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Keeping up with all the terms of some separation/divorce agreements made in the months prior to COVID-19 has been very trying for many former spouses. Their financial situations may have changed overnight, with some losing their jobs, others being furloughed, and still, others suffering substantial cuts to their yearly income. Additionally, parenting agreements may feel difficult to maintain as parents look to protect their children traveling from one to the other.

Such stressors added to the fear of contracting the virus, or transmitting it to a loved one, can increase the tension between you and your ex, considerably.

One thing you cannot (and should not) do is take the other person to court. And this may be a good thing. The courts have been temporarily closed and judges are only available for hearings where people might feel in danger or in life-threatening situations.

What can you do?

First and foremost, remember that you are not alone. Many people are experiencing similar situations. Here are some ways to help deal with that added tension:

  • Take a deep breath. 
  • Identify the issues that need to be discussed — first separately, and then together.
  • Reach out to the other parent and ask them to select a time when the two of you can have a quiet conversation away from interruptions.
  • For each issue, explain calmly your concerns and your fears and ask the other party to do the same. 
  • Take one area at a time and try to work out an agreement between the two of you.

If you are not able to make those adjustments together, consider reaching out to a professional who can help you. As a divorce and family mediator, I have been helping families like yours through these difficult times with innovative and positive results. 

  • The parents have come up with creative modifications to their agreements recognizing that they may need to have subsequent conversations and make additional adjustments as time goes on. 
  • They have found new ways for each parent to spend time with their children while protecting them from unnecessary exposure to the virus. 
  • They have worked out modifications to their financial agreements knowing that as things improve, they will make changes. 
  • They have understood that they are in this together, as a family, and that they must cooperate through this crisis.

If you or someone you know is having difficulty navigating these troubled waters, please know that I am available to help. Instead of meeting in person, we will set up a video conference and have a conversation as if we were meeting in my office.

Again, you are not alone. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help.

Jennifer Safian

Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com
Jennifer Safian

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