How you handle the separation will have a lasting effect on your children

{3 minutes to read} I recently watched the first season of the Genius series on National Geographic which follows the fascinating life of Albert Einstein. It spans from his early years as a patent clerk to the world renowned physicist who developed the theory of relativity. This series also gives us insight into Einstein’s personal and family life which many of us may not be familiar with.

Most relevant to the work that we do is how he and his first wife handled their separation and divorce, and the impact it had on their children. In one dramatic scene, Einstein’s wife Mileva takes their two sons and is running away from their home in Germany to Switzerland. They are seen boarding a train while Einstein is on the quai begging her not to take the children away from him. The two young boys are standing right there, privy to this very tense drama. This is only one of those scenes where you want to tell the parents to stop acting this way and think about the impact on their children. Two very intellectually bright parents reacting to their heightened emotions of the moment without even thinking how it may affect their children.

While this is one short but very intense scene among many episodes of this excellent series, it left me with a very sad feeling, knowing that these children would be forever marked by that moment.

Children of divorce may remember such scenes with a lot of anxiety. As their parents, we must not let our wild emotions take over. If we handle some of these times properly, and act civilized towards one another, we show our children more respect as well as lessen the pain and confusion that they may feel.

Here are a few suggestions that parents may want to follow:

Put your children first. Don’t let your personal grievances spill over into your relationship with your children.
Work together as much as possible.
Prepare in advance how you will tell your children about the divorce and how you will handle the actual day of the separation.
Co-parent as best you can even though you will be living separately.
Consult as needed with a child therapist.

As your mediator, I will also help you with all these issues around your children and with the creation of a structure that will help you move forward as a team.

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Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com