Divorce Emotions
When people come into mediation, I give them the list of documents that they need to provide for the mediation process. I don’t usually speak about the things they should NOT do, but having worked with a couple where the husband found out at the doctor’s office that his wife had already removed him from…
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{2:25 minutes to read} Ram Dass, an American spiritual teacher and psychologist said: “We often think that vulnerability is a kind of weakness, but there’s a kind of vulnerability that is actually strength and presence.” People I see in my practice experiencing the pain of divorce, frequently have moments when they become tearful, fearful, or…
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{3 minutes to read} Families in conflict or couples going through divorce often ask me how I manage to work day-in and day-out with people in constant disagreement and distress, yet still remain calm. Well, of course, the first thing that comes to mind is that I am not a party to the dispute. The…
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{3:30 minutes to read} As Valentine’s Day approaches, I could not help but remember this article which I wrote a few years ago which still resonates so strongly with me, day in, day out. So I chose to publish it again. Some of you may choose to share it with others who may be going through…
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{3:06 minutes to read} I met with Jayne* and Will* for a consultation to explain the mediation process and give them the opportunity to ask questions before actually committing to this process. Jayne immediately said that she and Will disagreed on absolutely everything! Will piped up with “I disagree with that!” This was obviously an…
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{3 minutes to read} Life is like a giant mobile; you disturb one piece and all the other pieces are affected. You take one piece away, and everything else falls apart. In the vernacular of today, “mobile” is another word for a cell phone, but I am not referring to a phone. I am referring to…
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{3:30 minutes to read} A close friend tells you she/he is getting married. Your first words would probably be “Congratulations, I am so happy for you!” A close friend tells you that a loved one just died. You would probably say, “I am so sorry for your loss.” However, if that same friend tells you…
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Sometimes I meet with couples where one spouse is ready to separate and move on while the other is still hoping for reconciliation. Here are some of the comments that often come up when they enter my office and are not yet in agreement about commencing a separation conversation. Spouse # 1 “My spouse wants…
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I recently came across a fascinating article in the Wall Street Journal on the impact of language on moral decisions made by people speaking their language of origin as opposed to a later acquired language. Though not faced with the same dilemmas, this article triggered in me some thoughts about my work with expatriates living…
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While working out their divorce through mediation, clients will sometimes comment on the therapeutic effect of the process, both positive, “I was able to say things to my spouse that I had never been able to say before,” and sometimes negative, “This isn’t therapy, you know, let’s move on to the point.” Many people are…
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