{3:06 minutes to read} Nancy and her two children were on their way to the airport for a week’s vacation with her parents. As Peter, her husband, closed the taxi door when seeing her off, he leaned in and whispered in her ear, “I want a divorce.”
Was this news to her? Not really. Things at home had been bad for years now. They had tried marriage counseling a number of times, but neither of them had ever mentioned the D word.
Nancy had my name and phone number, which her therapist had given to her, but she had never called, hoping that things would work out. That day, she called, crying on the phone. I had a little difficulty understanding all that she said, but I did understand that things had not been great for a while. Nancy still thought, however, that everything was not so bad, so why, out of the blue, did Peter throw this at her! Nothing had been said in the last therapy session, so in her mind they were still working on their marriage.
In the course of our conversation, she mentioned that she still wanted to continue counseling but wanted a new therapist. She would try to convince her husband to also give it one more try. I gave them the name of someone, whom they both actually liked. Nancy updated me every few weeks and said things were going rather well, or so she thought.
A few months later, she called again, as did Peter. They had decided to move ahead with the separation. Though extremely upset, they both felt that they have given themselves enough time and chances to work things out. But they realized they would never be able to overcome many of their conflicts. Nancy and Peter were now convinced that this was the right decision for them, and this time, they had come to that decision together.
Many couples live in this state of limbo, sometimes for years, as the relationship navigates the waters of life. There are storms; there are quiet lakes; there are moonlit oceans; and there are tsunamis. How do couples figure out if they should stay together and accept a less than perfect situation or go for a separation?
In my next article, I will share 13 signs that may signal serious trouble in your relationship and may trigger the decision to call it quits.
Jennifer Safian
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com
Latest posts by Jennifer Safian (see all)
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- should I tell my children’s school that we are getting a divorce? - March 13, 2024
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