{2:30 minutes to read}

Couple hands connecting to a chain with skyI was listening to a TED talk given by Hedy Schleifer, titled the Power of Connection. Hedy was speaking about the importance of a connection between oneself and others, in a new or in an existing meaningful relationship. She also spoke about the difficulties we sometimes encounter in connecting with others, even when we already have a relationship with them, and why that happens.

She described a visit she made to her mother who was living in an old age home. Her mother was sitting in a wheelchair and did not recognize her. Hedy was feeling angry at seeing her “hero” in this home and at this sad stage of her life. She then realized that she was not “visiting” her mother; she was only concerned with her own emotions.

Hedy then made a conscious decision to cross the bridge to her mother’s world. She pulled up a chair, sat close to her mother and looked her in the eyes. Her mother looked at her and said: “You are my daughter.” Hedy cried. Her mother reached out to her, and with her hand, wiped away Hedy’s tears. The space between them was no longer polluted by Hedy’s initial reaction. It was now a sacred space where they found each other.

Later in her talk, she said the following words, which stuck in my mind because they relate to my work with parents:

“The space between the couple is the playground for the child.”

As I kept repeating this sentence in my mind, it appeared very clearly to me that this space has to exist between married parents as well as between co-parenting divorced parents. It is our job as parents to keep these words in mind and make this playground space as child friendly as possible. It is for us the adults to put aside our differences and disagreements, and to create a fertile ground for our children to grow and to develop, knowing that they have parents who have their best interest on the front line.

Can you think of a time where you may have had trouble connecting with someone because your own emotions took over the whole space?

Jennifer Safian

Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com
Jennifer Safian

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