Give the Divorce Process the Time It Needs

{3:12 minutes to read} Instant gratification… isn’t that what many of us expect in all areas of our lives? Professional as well as personal? And when we cannot get whatever it is we want at that very moment, we may often be left feeling anxious and tense.

Rushing to get an instant result, however, can prevent us from making good decisions. By the time we realize that we may not have given ourselves the extra time to think things out properly, it’s too late, and we cannot take back what we created or said by wanting it “NOW.” And even if we can, we may suffer negative consequences from having to undo what we rushed into.

When people ask about the divorce mediation process, one of the first questions that comes up is: “How long is this going to take?” Some actually want to believe that they can be divorced in one meeting. It has often taken them years to get to the unfortunate place where divorce is the only solution, but then they want it to be over and done with quickly. They just want the whole thing to go away.

This desire for instant divorce is human nature. My job, as mediator, is to assist a couple in making sure that they have covered all the issues that need to be included in their divorce agreement. Though at first they may feel annoyed at me for “delaying” them (after all I am the one causing the delay of a couple of hours or days), the decisions they are making now can considerably affect their lives in the years ahead.

Do divorce mediations ever conclude quickly? Yes! I have, on occasion, had a young couple married for 2 years with no children and no assets, resolve all their issues in a couple of hours.

In most cases, however, couples who have been married for much longer may have:

Children;
Real estate property;
A car;
A pet;
Retirement accounts;
Debts, and more.

Creating a fair settlement agreement will take some time as they make decisions on all of these issues. How do they expect all this to be resolved in 1 or 2 sessions? It may take as many as 3 to 6 sessions for them to come to an agreement.

So how do we give it time and accept delayed gratification when we want it done NOW? By being patient and calm, using self-control and cognitive strategies to get us through to the desired outcome.

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Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com