Family Conflicts: Layers Accumulated over Time

{3:24 minutes to read} Family conflicts can occur in all families. They may stem from long-term differences, or occur following some turn of events which spurred a major disagreement. If the members of the family involved in the conflict are not able to deal with their differences, to resolve them or at least acknowledge them, these differences will take over the relationship and the conflict will take on a life of its own. It will grow like a rock rolling down a wet hill that keeps picking up mud and debris. When it hits the bottom, this rock, now a boulder, will break, leaving pieces scattered helter skelter. If you examine those pieces, they will show multiple layers, accumulated over time, that were never cleaned up.

That is unfortunately what may happen to a conflict when it is not addressed. As life events occur, and of course, events always do, the original conflict may grow with resentments, just like the rock grew with the build-up of mud. And one day, some new crisis will create an explosion leaving all parties in pain.

Family mediation can provide a safe place for the parties to start talking about the issues that created the latest clash. Family mediation gives a voice to each person so they can talk about what brought them to this place. Parties are invited to express what their goal is in coming together. Most of the time, when people come together, even though they may not always agree that they may have had a part in the origin of the conflict, they all have a common goal: resolving the conflict and moving forward, hopefully closer to their family members than before they came in.

Family mediation is not a replacement for family therapy. Some deeply ingrained emotional issues may need to be addressed between parties and their own therapists, to help them prepare for the meeting with other family members. Other times, family therapy may be needed in conjunction with the mediation process.

The mediator is there to create a safe space for the parties to interact. As needed, they will gather information and make a list of tasks to be accomplished. The mediator will then facilitate the discussion between the parties, so they can find solutions to pressing issues. The parties will also determine how to best maintain an open line of communication as they move forward.

Here is an article about two brothers who successfully resolved some family conflicts through mediation.

If you know of a family that could benefit from mediation, here is a link to my article “12 tips to help you and your family prepare for family mediation.”

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Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com