I am not getting married again because I am just not good at it! by Jennifer Safian{2 minutes to read} I once heard someone say this after he had been married and divorced three times. I often wondered why some people get married several times just to end up divorced over and over. We have all heard the line that they keep making the same mistakes, but what does that mean? I believe it goes beyond that simple sentence.

I approached a few people who had been married and divorced several times, and who were honest enough to share some of their reasons with me:

  1. I always wanted to believe that the next relationship would be the right one.
  2. I never took the time to really understand what went wrong in my first marriage, in my second one, even in my third. Eventually I went to therapy and worked very hard – it was painful – but I realized that I was looking for someone else to fix my problems. Well, I can tell you that no one else can fix your problems but yourself.
  3. I seemed to pick the same type of man and obviously, that type of personality did not click well with mine.
  4. I don’t like being alone, so as soon as I found someone who was willing to share my life with me, I asked her to marry me. I did not think further than that.
  5. I had this idea that being married should not be so challenging, and that if it did not run smoothly it meant that it was not working and that I should end it.  I realize now that all marriages require a reasonable amount of “work.”
  6. I had a very romantic notion of marriage and I guess it’s only romantic for a while.

So is there such a thing as “not being good at marriage?” Or is it an excuse for:

  • Not trying to understand what went wrong;
  • Not exploring what could have been done to improve things;
  • Always needing to have it your way; or
  • Not learning to compromise?

Marriage is much more complex than one would think but if one is willing to look at oneself and be honest, with time and effort, many will get it right and live happily ever after!

Jennifer Safian

Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com
Jennifer Safian

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