{2 minutes to read}  Following a trip to India where he met his spiritual teachers, Richard Alpert, a clinical psychologist and academic, changed his name to Baba Ram Dass, also known as Ram Dass. After his death in December 2019, I came across some of his writings. Here is one that particularly struck me, most likely because life and my long-time experience as a mediator have taught me the value of holding back judgment on first encounters.

When you go out into the woods, and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You see why it is the way it is. You sort of understand that it didn’t get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don’t get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree.

The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. And you are constantly saying ‘You are too this, or I’m too this.’ That judgment mind comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are.

Some of you may remember hearing about Emily Zamourka, “the homeless subway singer” who was discovered after a Los Angeles policeman posted a video of her singing a Puccini aria. She had spent a couple of years living on the streets earning money playing her violin. That violin, which allowed her to make a living, had been vandalized, leaving her without a way to pay for expenses and some unexpected medical bills. Where she used to play the violin, she began to sing. Many people probably passed her by thinking that she was just another unfortunate homeless person, albeit with a beautiful voice.

What you see is not necessarily what is. Let’s all remember Ram Dass’ words next time we feel the temptation to judge someone at first sight.

Jennifer Safian

Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com
Jennifer Safian

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