{3 minutes to read}  Why do we have to bring all our bank, brokerage, and retirement account statements to our mediation session if we have agreed to each keep our own and not share any of the money we have in our separate names? 

Dear Divorcing Husband & Wife,

New York State is a state of Equitable Distribution whereby all marital assets, meaning those earned during the marriage, are usually divided. You may agree to waive rights to each other’s accounts and possessions. Couples have different reasons to do this: they are both financially secure, they may want the process to be over quickly, or they just do not want to share what they have earned through their hard work.

However, it is important that you both disclose all of your assets, whether they are in joint names or in separate names and that you know what you are actually waiving rights to. I know many couples who do not share their finances with each other during their marriage and this may be the first time they will have to do so.

Many years ago, I mediated a divorce in which, from the outset, the wife said that she did not want any part of her husband’s 401(k); that he had worked very hard to set money aside for his retirement years, and that she wanted him to keep the full benefit. When I asked her if she knew how much money she was waiving her rights to, she admitted that she did not. She went into shock at seeing her husband’s 401(k) statement. She thought it was worth much less than it actually was, and even though she was taken by surprise, she maintained her position and honored her word. 

Another case unfortunately backfired because of the lack of openness. One spouse realized that the other was holding back and trying to hide assets. The spouse hired a forensic professional to do an investigation and the discovery process led to the parties retaining separate attorneys and all financial records being subpoenaed. This divorce turned into a three-year litigation with much unnecessary aggravation and money spent during the process; money which could have benefited both parties and their children had there been full disclosure from the start.

Making total disclosure of your assets allows you both to move forward with your lives knowing that you have made fully informed decisions. 

Going through a divorce is hard enough as it is. Let’s not make it harder.

Jennifer Safian

Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com
Jennifer Safian

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