what a mediator can learn from mediation

{2:54 minutes to read} People often ask me why I became a divorce and family mediator. In many of my blogs I have explained how I wanted to help people going through one of the hardest times in their lives.

Some of my answers went like this:

I went through a divorce myself, and realized mediation is a better process than litigation;
I believe I can well understand what couples are experiencing;
I hope to help divorcing families with children find a better way to move forward separately while still parenting their children together;
I want to help families resolve some of the conflicts that put them at odds with those they most care for.

When I answered this question, I did not recognize how much this work would positively affect my own life. It has helped me understand people better and in so doing, I have learned more about myself. It has taught me how to improve the way I handle my own stressful situations. This does not mean that I am always able to deal perfectly with every crisis! But some of the crises just don’t seem to carry with them that level of drama that they may have in the earlier years of my life – That may also be called “growing up!”

Some of the lessons I have learned:

To accept that every person has their own interpretation of facts and that for them, it is their truth;
That listening to others does not necessarily mean agreeing with what they say;
How difficult it is to put oneself in someone else’s shoes;
To become more patient with others than I thought I was already;
That what you see is not always what you get;
That what people say is not necessarily what they really mean deep down, not because they are not being truthful, but because they have not been able to fully understand it for themselves.

When it comes to one’s own life challenges, it is always difficult to stay calm, put things in perspective and not let ourselves be overwhelmed.

For myself, I hope that I can apply what I learn daily to my own life as I continue to serve and give support to those that need my help.

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Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com