In our first blog on post-divorce relocation, we discussed how to proceed if one parent wishes to relocate, making it very difficult to retain the original parenting schedule that the parties had agreed to. This blog shares an example of how what appears to be an impossible situation, may actually be resolved through creative planning fostered by mediation.
A while back, I had a case where at the time of the separation, the mother decided to move back to Japan with the two children so that she could be closer to her own family. Aside from feeling very lonely as a single Japanese woman in the US, she argued that the father was constantly traveling for his business and that she would rather be in Japan where she had a support system. Under these new circumstances, however, the father could never have weekly or bi-weekly time with his children when back at home.
After much discussion and going back and forth with multiple plans, the parents decided that:
- The father would come to Japan a set number of times a year for one-week visits when he would have the children stay with him in a hotel. This allowed him to spend time with them during the school year, take them and pick them up at school and be somewhat involved with their day-to-day activities.
- Twice a year during school vacations, the father would fly the children with him to another destination and spend time with them outside of Japan.
The children were under the age of 10 when their parents separated and could not travel by themselves, but the parents agreed that as the children grew older and were able to travel by themselves, they could meet their father in another country.
Is this solution perfect? Of course not, but there really is no perfect solution. If the parties were in litigation, their lawyers would present the facts to a judge who would “render his decision” by which the parties would have to abide. But within a mediation process, with the help of the mediator, the parties can brainstorm together, examining multiple options and eventually choosing the one that works best for them.
In this case, mediation provided an environment where this couple could explore creative solutions to a seemingly impossible situation. The couple worked hard, and together turned a situation that at first seemed overwhelming, with potentially no good outcome, into one that they could live with and where their children would still have time with their father several times a year.
Do you or anyone you know have what appears to be an impossible situation to overcome? Please give us a call to discuss how mediation may help find a creative and workable solution.
Do you know a friend or colleague whom you feel would find this article relevant? Please feel free to forward this article to them.
If you have any questions or concerns about Mediation,
or would like to schedule a no-fee mediation consultation,
please don’t hesitate to contact me today!
Comments & Replies from Social Media
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Just the idea that when a situation seems impossible it may actually not be, can provide a source of comfort and a ray of hope during a challenging time. Your clients are fortunate to benefit from your skill and talent. As a Life Coach, I am often the voice of possibility with my clients, working to empower them to get creative when it comes to moving-on post divorce and to build a life which is not bound by perceived limitations that may not actually exist. It’s always interesting to notice the synergies between what we do. Thanks for your inspiring and articulate words!
By Heidi Bernstein Krantz (via LinkedIn)
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Jennifer Safian
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com
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It would be great if more people had the financial means to afford solutions like that.
The average person I work with is doing good to take the kids to McDonald’s once a week.
These people were fortunate to have the financial resources and job freedom to accommodate such extensive travel. How might this have played out had that not been the case?
I really don’t know how it would have played out. This family always traveled and moved around a lot because of the husband’s job.
As the mediator, I am not the one giving the parties answers to their questions. I am there to facilitate their conversation. So I cannot say how a different family would have dealt with the distance.
Jennifer — great example of how mediation can resolve differences in a way that court never could!
Separate question for you: I see that you have a comment from linkedin on your site — do you have a way for that to be automatically generated? Or, are you copying and pasting from Linkedin? I’ve been trying with no success to find a way to get linkedin comments to show up on my blog….feel free to reply here or directly to my email. Thanks so much for your help!
Ben
Jennifer- This is an endorsement of hope which can be achieved through the mediation process.
Sometimes it’s a matter of timing and mending wounds before level headed discussions can occur
between two parties. Mediation can surely be effective after psychotherapy or potentially
independent of psychotherapy if both parties want to split and are guided into an equitable partnership.