We were married for 15 years and had three children and a dog. We owned a home and a vacation home and made enough money to pay our bills, but somehow our relationship became very strained. We no longer saw things eye to eye and found ourselves constantly arguing about everything. We tried marital counseling. It did not help. We struggled with the idea of separating, but in the end, we got divorced. The problem was that I picked the wrong partner. 

Your partner may have been the right partner for you when you both decided to join your lives and get married. You loved each other and filled each other’s needs, shared common goals, and felt enriched as a couple by the separate interests you had in your professional activities. 

There may have been different reasons for which you chose that particular partner, such as:

  • You were “in love.”
  • You were looking for emotional, financial, or otherwise stability you missed growing up. 
  • Your partner was the first person in your life who “let you be you,” who welcomed your input and gave you the respect you had never received. 

Then, in the course of the marriage, you may have evolved in different ways:

  • You became more secure and less afraid to express your true thoughts. 
  • Career-driven partners may have realized that after many years and despite the large financial compensation of their position, they were no longer willing to work those long hours and endure that type of stress. They would rather work a reduced schedule, even if that meant cutting down on their lifestyle. 
  • A successful career may have taken you into different circles that didn’t align with your spouse’s interests.
  • One of you may struggle with the daily routine and prefer a more adventurous life. 
  • A traumatic event in your life pulled you apart rather than brought you closer.

These are just some of the experiences which can create wedges between partners. You may not have realized that over time, you slowly moved in different directions. For every change that one partner made, the other had to adjust, and if those adjustments proved difficult, the space between the two of you grew wider, straining your relationship, and your ability to communicate and understand each other.

As you reflect on the past, remember that you did not necessarily make a mistake when you chose a partner who made you feel complete at that time. Today, you may be a different person with different needs. Explore them and be true to yourself so that you can make the right decisions now and for the future.

Jennifer Safian

Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com
Jennifer Safian

Latest posts by Jennifer Safian (see all)