The Greek Chorus Revisited

{3:06 minutes to read} A few years ago, I wrote an article called “The Greek Chorus.” The article centered around all the well meaning people who think they know what you are going through and want to dispense advice on your situation. The effects of “friendly advice” continue to be a problem with many of my clients, so I thought that it might be helpful to take another look at this topic.

Divorce is a very scary proposition, and when we are scared, many of us tend to gravitate towards others for answers and support.

With divorce, we face a confusing array of problems and decisions, and when we are confused, some of us may hold on to what others around us have to say rather than do the research ourselves.

When we are getting divorced, we are vulnerable and easily influenced by others who believe they know what is right for us. They may have gone through a divorce and think they are being helpful by pushing us to do what they did. While their situation may seem to be similar, every divorce is different depending on the people and their circumstances.

“You should keep the house! Or if you sell it, keep all of the money for yourself. That’s what I did.”

The neighbor who spoke these words did not know that the house was owned by the husband before they were married. And even if he did give her the house, the wife did not have sufficient income to maintain the house. Well meaning advice, but not practical or useful in this situation.

“Since you are the mother and the children are with you most of the time, you are entitled to child support AND to spousal support!”

While this well meaning relative might be right about the child support, he did not know that the mother made much more money than the father, and that she may, in fact, have to pay her husband spousal support.

The outline of a story may sound the same as yours, but the protagonists are different and they will have to find their own solutions.

Your life is yours and no one else’s. Getting advice can be helpful, but make sure you are getting the right advice. In the end, you are the one that will have to live by your agreement, not your friend, not your colleague at work, not even your parents.

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Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com