‘til decorating do us part

{2:54 minutes to read} Many of us may have heard of couples who buy and renovate beautiful new homes, only to find out months later that this same couple is separating. We ask ourselves why they would buy a new house when things were probably not going well between them. Why spend all that money just to end up getting separated soon thereafter?

Did they think that the new home would be the glue that would keep them together?

“The couple moved in and threw a number of dinner parties—elaborate, homemade meals of soufflé and salmon mousse served by candlelight in the white-walled dining room overlooking Park Avenue. Like the rest of the apartment, its antique furniture—an 18th-century English gate-legged oval table, 18th-century French chairs, a red and dark blue Bokhara rug—contrasted beautifully with the modern art hanging on the walls. The couple basked in the admiration of family and friends, who “ooh”-ed and “aah”-ed over how well put together and warm it all was. Then, when the last painting had been hung and the renovation had undeniably come to an end, they agreed to get a divorce.”

“Once the project was done, the reality set in,” said S. “We were living a dream through this little exercise, but it wasn’t enough to rebuild all that was lost in the marriage—a real connection and a real understanding of each other.”

This is an excerpt from an article that was written by Kim Velsey and published in the Observer a few years ago. Until Decorating Do Us Part: When Renovations End in Divorce.

Did this couple really believe that they could live happily ever after and erase all the difficulties that were unresolved in their marriage?

Sometimes we hear of couples with troubled marriages who decide to have a child, thinking that will smooth out all their problems.

If relationships are troubled, spending lots of money on a new residence is not the answer. Nor is bringing a child into the world. Troubled relationships require the couples to look at and work on themselves, often with the help of a professional, to reach a point where they can live in harmony before looking for a child or material things to make them feel fulfilled.

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Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com