The Difficult Conversations of Divorce

{3:30 minutes to read} Short of admitting to ourselves that our marriage is over, telling our children, parents, friends, and even people at work, can be most difficult – even scary.

Telling our children.

We feel guilty about disrupting their stability as we know that their lives will be changed considerably by the divorce.

There is ongoing debate as to whether it’s best to wait until the children go to college to separate. Research shows, however, that college-age children may be just as vulnerable as the younger ones. Knowing their home will become two homes while they are gone may be even harder for them than living through the changes with the rest of the family.

Telling our parents.

Although we are adults and have had our own homes for many years, we may feel concerned about disappointing our parents by admitting that our marriage is breaking up. We would like to count on their support but sometimes they may not handle the breakup as we would like them to. Their family is being reshuffled as well, and they need to adjust to the new dynamic.

Telling our friends.

Other couples with whom we shared dinners, vacations, activities and events with our children are going to find out that we are not the perfect couple that they thought we were. We will no longer be interacting with them in the same way and fear we may lose some and/or be judged by them.

We need to remind ourselves that they may not know how to respond, whether to remain friendly with both of us or take sides. Some couples also start looking at their own marriages and wondering about the strength of their relationships.

Telling people at work.

Work colleagues may know very little about our personal lives. Will they look at us differently because our marriage is dissolving? Will our employer think less of us? Do we actually need to tell them?

Coming out with the news about a divorce is not easy. At a time when we are most vulnerable, we have to admit to others what we are having a hard time admitting to ourselves. Did we fail our family? Did we fail them?

Perhaps we had the courage to face a harsh reality and take the leap towards what we hope will be a healthier life for our family. Sometimes learning from our mistakes will make us stronger, more aware of who we are, and what we need to do to improve our lives. Freeing ourselves from some of that daily stress can also open up a space for us to be better parents, children, friends and co-workers.

Divorce should not be taken lightly, and considered only after exploring every chance of remaining in the marriage. And although many may see it as such, it is not necessarily a failure and can become the source of new and better beginnings.

If you are considering divorce, we can assist you with all the different aspects of that process through mediation, including how to have those difficult conversations. You might want to read some of our previous articles on this topic:

Telling Your Parents About Your Divorce and Discussing Your Separation/Divorce with Your Children

About
Latest Posts

Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com