Sign pinned to a bulletin board that says By helping others...we help ourselves{4 minutes to read}  Kindness is defined as the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. Affection, gentleness, warmth, concern, and care are words that are associated with kindness. While kindness can have a connotation of meaning someone is naive or weak, that is not the case. Being kind often requires courage and strength. 

I came across this blog “12 Steps as a way to become kinder, more empathetic people,” written by Jessica Walsh and Timothy Goodman who describe themselves as two self-centered New Yorkers, often focused on what’s ahead instead of what’s around them. They made a resolution to practice these 12 steps for 12 months.

  • Can I help you?

Can we gain any empathy or perspective by talking to strangers with different situations? We  asked New Yorkers one very simple question: “How can we help you?”

  • Open your eyes

Bystander apathy is a phenomenon. We hung “missing people” signs all over NYC and sat next to them for an entire day. Did anyone notice? What if we did the same thing with a dog?

  • Switch it up

There are always people who bother us and situations we try to avoid due to our selfishness. What if we had to do their job? Could we be kinder to them in the future?

  • Don’t beat yourself up

We all beat ourselves up for the way we’ve handled things in the past. We tried to forgive ourselves for these experiences by opening up about them.

  • Forgive and Forget

We faced someone who hurt us in the past. Can we let go of the pain or misunderstanding we have toward them? Can we gain any compassion or empathy by confronting them?

  • Face Yourself

Everyone has their own kind of fears and insecurities, and we often hide behind them by judging others. We took a major personal insecurity of ours and faced it head on.

  • Kill them with kindness

They say the ultimate act of compassion is to learn to love your enemies. We tried to better understand someone we don’t get along with by doing something nice for them.

  • Walk a mile in their shoes

It’s easy to judge lifestyle decisions that we don’t like or that we don’t understand. We participated in the lifestyles of others as a way to learn more about them and their decisions.

  • Go big or go home

Why do we always seem to neglect the people who we are closest to? We picked one special person in our lives who we constantly neglect and did something nice for them.

  • Pay it forward

We left wallets all over NYC with money and a note asking that the recipient do one kind thing with it. We also performed random acts of kindness on the streets.

  • Wear a smile

For eight hours straight we walked around NYC and smiled at every person we came across. Could we make them smile? Could we bring a moment of happiness to their life?

  • Dive deep

For this last step we’re going to dive deep into what we’ve learned and try to do something much larger than ourselves. We’ll open this platform to start a dialogue.

People in conflict tend to want to WIN over the other party, but in divorce mediation, I often find that practicing a little kindness towards one another will foster better communication.

Getting divorced or not, kindness is one thing we all have the ability to share. Let’s get started today!

Jennifer Safian

Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com
Jennifer Safian

Latest posts by Jennifer Safian (see all)