{3 minutes to read}  Some divorcing couples do not want to spend time and energy discussing details during the mediation process. In the midst of emotional trauma, they just want it over and done with. They do not want to discuss what seems like trivial details, which would just delay putting an end to their nightmare. Those are the same couples that often come back weeks or months later because they cannot agree on one of these “unimportant issues.” 

These could revolve around:

  • A parenting plan
  • Sharing a second home
  • A jointly owned business 
  • Any issues that might keep the parties connected to each other long after they have separated

It is difficult to envision all the problems that may come up, but there are many crises that can be avoided by having a structure in place. During the divorce process, certain conversations need to take place so the parties can make those decisions. These conversations may save the soon-to-be-former spouses from having to enter into negotiations and save them from other conflicts down the road. 

What they may see today as « just details » could turn out to be their safety net.

A couple I worked with, let’s call them John and Suzie, agreed to continue sharing their beach house so that when each of them had the children according to their parenting plan, they could enjoy going to the shore. One of the many details they had not worked out was how they would deal with food stored in the freezer. When one parent returned to the house the next weekend, they were counting on the frozen meals for dinner upon their arrival. Those meals were gone! The other parent had helped themselves to the contents of the freezer as they might have done when they were still living together. Equally important to discuss was what to do with the dirty linens at the end of the weekend, and who should fill the tank of the car with gas.

John and Suzie thought they would have no problem working things out between them but much to their surprise, they did. As a result, they were now reconsidering whether to keep the beach house or to sell it.

Things can get even more complicated when new partners or other family members are involved. If you have a written agreement in place, you can simply say “This is what we worked out and I have to follow the agreement!”

Couples who have worked with me know that I am quite insistent on getting many of these details ironed out in their divorce agreement so that they have a road map to follow in case of conflict. Will they come across issues that were not discussed? They probably will. I can help them identify areas that may cause differences. However, as I say, I do not have a crystal ball, and they may run into other situations that they will have to work out on their own.

There is great meaning to the idiom “the devil is in the details.” Doing the extra work now may save you time and aggravation down the road.

Jennifer Safian

Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com
Jennifer Safian

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