{4 minutes to read}  It is customary for couples going through a divorce to waive rights to each other’s estates. Unless they have children together, they will move forward with their lives and will no longer be making estate decisions as a couple. Post-divorce, those decisions will be made by each party separately. 

In mediation, parents of minor children usually discuss their children’s schedules, their education needs, any health concerns they may have, and how to secure their children’s emotional and physical well-being. Many parents also choose to have a conversation during the mediation process to ensure that when it comes to their estates, the children they had together will be protected.

Most parents want their children to inherit their assets upon their death, or at least a large part of their assets. 

An important question that comes up in the course of the divorce conversation is:

  • What happens if you get remarried and have other children?
  • Will our children receive less of your assets because they will have to share them with your new family?

These are difficult and sensitive questions, especially since no one knows what will be in our estates at the time we die.

Some parents may want to allocate a particular property or asset to a specific heir. However, this would mean that they would have to commit to never selling that asset, or if they did sell it, that they would replace it with another asset. A simpler way may be for parents to agree that each of them will leave a certain percentage of their estate to the child or children they had together. 

Some parents agree that any assets accumulated during their marriage will remain for “their” children and that any assets acquired at a later date will be split as they each see fit, to include future spouses, other children, and beneficiaries. 

Children with special needs may benefit from long-term planning that will protect them at a different level than those children who will be independent and better equipped to fend for themselves.

In all cases, parents can work together and make arrangements depending on their family’s needs and circumstances.

Some parents have asked me to have a mediation session in the presence of their Wills, Trusts & Estates Attorneys to help them with these delicate conversations. They may also discuss any trusts they may want to set up for their children, as well as terms, amounts, and beneficiaries of their life insurance policies. 

For these discussions to be fruitful, there must be understanding and trust between the parents that one or both will not turn around and undo everything they agreed to do, so that they feel confident that their children are protected for the future.

Mediation offers a safe space for co-parents to have these exchanges and come up with creative plans so that their families can benefit both today and tomorrow.

Jennifer Safian

Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com
Jennifer Safian

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