{2 minutes to read} Divorcing couples are often concerned about their young children having to travel a couple of times a week between their two homes yet at the same time, neither of them wants to be separated from their children for seven consecutive days. This is when nesting can be an option, at least for several months and sometimes longer.

How does it work?

The children remain in the marital home and the parents take turns staying with the children.

Where do the parents stay when they are not in the marital home?

 Several possibilities:

  • They may use their weekend family home if the commute isn’t too long or if they can work from home rather than travel to an office. This option will save them money as they would not have to rent a separate apartment.
  • They may rent a small apartment close to the family home and take turns staying there when not in the marital home with the children. 
  • Some families may prefer not to share an apartment and choose to rent two separate ones. 
  • A friend or a relative of one of the parents may host them.

These are some of the solutions I have seen parents use in the spirit of keeping their children in their own home.

Do the parents need rules?

In mediation, parents ask to work out rules such as sharing the costs of two homes, housekeeping tasks such as cleaning and laundry, and shopping for food and supplies. Some will also discuss issues such as the sharing of the car, or having guests over.

What are each parent’s obligations regarding the children?

  • Who takes them to the doctor?
  • Who buys their clothes? 
  • Who arranges for the play date when they see another parent at school pickup, but the play date takes place on the other parent’s weekend?
  • Who oversees the homework?
  • Who stays home with them on sick days or non-school days?

These are some of the most frequently asked questions, but others may come up and need a conversation to figure out how parents will share these responsibilities.

How long can nesting last?

It is usually a short-term solution, a year or two, though the trend seems to be getting longer as parents find solutions to managing their separate lives.

I am often impressed in my mediation sessions to see parents who, even though they are going through difficult times, can work together and find creative solutions for themselves and their children.

Do the nesting rules become part of the divorce agreement? 

As with all the decisions made by parents getting a separation or divorce, the nesting guidelines and decisions will become part of their divorce document.

Parents may want to consider a nesting arrangement, even for a limited time, until they decide that the children can adjust to living in two separate homes.

 

Jennifer Safian

Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com
Jennifer Safian

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