{3 minutes to read}  I was invited to speak on a panel about the challenges that families encounter when, after a divorce, one parent wants to move to another country with the children.

In the role of the mediator, I presented three cases that I mediated where the couples were all expats who had at one time moved together to the US. Now as they were getting a divorce, the mothers wanted to move back home with the children.

In the first case, the father was a UN employee who traveled extensively all year round. His spouse was a Japanese national.

In the second case, both parents had moved from France under only one parent’s work visa. The divorce made it imperative for the non-working parent to leave the US.

In the third case, the mother had moved reluctantly from Australia to follow her husband but now she wanted to go back to the place she called “home.”

In mediation, all three couples came up with very creative and detailed plans so that the parent staying in the US would have as much access and time as possible with the children. For example:

One family agreed that in addition to a month of summer vacation with the children in the US, the non-custodial parent would travel to the country where the children were living, at least twice a year. He would rent a two-bedroom Airbnb for a couple of weeks and have the children stay with him. During those two weeks, he would take on full-time parenting, taking and picking up the children to and from school as well as to their extra-curricular activities, meet the teachers, plan meals and weekends and be fully immersed in the children’s lives.

The two litigators on the panel talked about what could have happened if these couples had not been able to work out an amicable arrangement between them. Months and years of litigation requests to judges to take the children out of the country being denied, or if the children had already left against one parent’s wish, how they would be ordered to be returned to the US. In all cases, the children would have been caught in a terrible war between their battling parents.

Separating and divorcing from a spouse is hard enough. One parent moving back to their country of origin with the children makes it even harder. Despite the difficult circumstances, wouldn’t it be better to sit in a room together and with the help of a neutral professional, work out the best plan possible for all — as opposed to having to battle it out in the courts?

Jennifer Safian

Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com
Jennifer Safian

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