co-parenting: how do we communicate?

{Read in 2 minutes} Co-parenting after divorce requires frequent communication between parents to ensure smooth transitions for their children between the two homes, to keep each other informed of the children’s extracurricular activities, and any important concerns involving them.

Occasionally, parental exchanges may become tense, and include negative undertones and criticism, which place the children in the middle of the battles. It is imperative to make every effort not to let this happen.

Here are a few tips which can help parents with the process:

Agree in advance to the form of communication, whether text, email, or phone. For many parents, a quick text is often the preferred method. It’s efficient, direct, short, easy, and doesn’t require personal interaction.
Set a time frame for a response so that the initiator of the call is not left up in the air.
Some matters may require a “no later than” answer, such as signing up for a soccer program. Agree that if the parent making the request doesn’t hear back within 24 to 48 hours, they will decide on their own.
If you are not able to give an answer immediately, acknowledge receipt: “I will get back to you by tomorrow at noon.”
Don’t overwhelm your co-parent with repeated texts or calls.
If this is a true emergency where the children’s welfare may be in jeopardy, write « URGENT » or « IMPORTANT » or any other word of your choice, in the subject line. You might want to agree on what constitutes an emergency and what can wait for 24 to 48 hrs.
Keep your communications to the business of co-parenting. This is not the place to dredge up past grievances and voice resentments.

Many issues can be dealt with through text, but others might require a phone call or even better, a face-to-face meeting. Some parents agree to schedule a weekly or monthly conversation to bring each other up-to-date on matters concerning their children.

If you and your co-parent need help with establishing ground rules between the two of you for improved communication, feel free to reach out to me. I am here to help you both. Mediation is the perfect platform for such conversations.

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Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com