{3 minutes to read}  In the previous article, we gave three examples of typical situations where parents put their own needs ahead of their child’s well-being. In this article, we look at how the children react and feel when caught up in these situations.

1. In the situation where the divorced parents were living separately in the same apartment and required their 12-year-old child not to communicate with the other parent during one parent’s time, the child said:

“I don’t want to go home after school. I want to stay at my friend’s house or go away to boarding school so I don’t have to see either of them.”

2. In the situation where the mother told her teenage daughter that she could no longer give her allowance on the week that she was staying with her, and that she should just ask her father to give it to her, the child said:

“I wish they would just leave me out of their arguments. It’s embarrassing to have to discuss this with Dad. I would rather not have an allowance than have to be caught in the middle.“

3. In the situation where the parents did not want to sit together at their child’s college graduation, nor go to lunch together after the ceremony, the child said:

 “What am I going to tell my friends? They all have both their parents sitting together, and my parents are behaving like jerks. I can’t believe they can’t even sit together for my graduation ceremony. And then we have to do two lunches! I would rather they would just not come at all.”

In all three cases, the children are very angry at their parents for putting them in the middle of their disputes. These parents were unable to act appropriately and put their children’s well-being ahead of their own emotions. One child wants to disappear. Another child may feel guilty for being the cause of the argument. The third child is unable to enjoy his special day and feel pride in his own accomplishments.

Such behaviors can impact children negatively in so many ways: they withdraw, they get sick, they may fall into a depression, they stop applying themselves in school, and they may start acting out in unhealthy ways.

Children model their parents’ behavior. Are these parents appropriately teaching their children how to handle conflict?

If you need help with your co-parenting, please, do reach out to us. We can help! 

Jennifer Safian

Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com
Jennifer Safian

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