consequences of divorce: what is wrong with this picture?

{3 minutes to read} Over the years, I have encountered in my practice a few situations where parents were so caught up in their own divorce drama, that they forgot about the impact of their actions on their children. Here are some of those real-life cases:

1. A divorced couple agrees to live separately within the same apartment. They share equal parenting time with their 12-year-old daughter. As per their divorce agreement, on the days that one parent has the child, she is not allowed to talk to the other parent nor the other parent talk to her!

2. A divorced couple, parents of a teenage girl, have been living separately for about six months. They each have their daughter every other week from one Friday after school until the following Friday after school. As per their divorce agreement, the parent who has the child starting on any particular Friday is supposed to give her the allowance they agreed to. One day, the mother says to her daughter: “I can’t afford to give you your allowance anymore. Tell your father to give it to you before you come over here on Friday!”

3. A divorced couple made an agreement that when their child graduated from college if either of them had a new partner in their life, they would not sit together. They also agreed that they would not go out together for the traditional post-graduation lunch.

One parent was remarried by then, so on graduation day, the child had to figure out where to find each parent after the ceremony. Only one parent took the child to lunch that day. The other parent had a separate lunch on another day.

In all of the cases above, the children are the ones caught in the middle. Parents must remember that they continue to be parents to their children even though they are divorced. They must put their own emotions aside and think about how their actions impact their children.

If you and your spouse are going through a divorce, or you know someone else who is, feel free to reach out. I can help you put a structure in place that will allow you to successfully co-parent going forward and avoid the heartbreak experienced by the children in these scenarios.

In the next article, we will check in with the children caught up in these situations, and see how they feel about their parents’ selfish actions.

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Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com