coping with divorce guilt

{4 minutes to read} I have hesitated about writing on the issue of divorce guilt because, for most people, it is a heartrending emotion. However, guilt is an emotion that is real for many people, which they do not often express out in the open.

This article is not about pointing fingers and making anyone feel more guilty than they do. I believe that it is important to recognize these emotions and find ways to acknowledge and navigate the feelings.

Whether you were the initiator of the divorce or not, or you both agreed to a separation, divorce is one of life’s most challenging experiences, bringing with it a myriad of emotions, including guilt, remorse, and self-blame. We may feel guilty towards our spouse, our children, our families, and others around us with whom we shared many memories as a couple.

Below are some suggestions for how to cope with any guilt you may be feeling.

Embrace and accept your emotions: guilt is a natural response to the end of your marriage. Allow yourself to grieve without judging yourself.
Self-reflection: thinking about your role in the relationship is important, while also understanding that there are two people involved. The interaction between two people is very complex, and self-blame is not constructive.
Learn from your experience and practice self-forgiveness: recognize that even though you may have made mistakes, understand that we all make them. Accept that you are not perfect. Use your mistakes as opportunities to grow.
Getting professional help: guidance from a therapist can help you gain insight into the dynamic of your marriage while providing a space for you to explore your feelings, including guilt, and understand yourself better.
Self-care: find activities that bring you joy and mental and physical well-being, including regular exercise, relaxation, and proper nutrition.
Support system: share feelings with friends and family whom you trust and who can help you during this time when you may be feeling isolated.
Focus on the future: while guilt is a normal emotion, it may hold you back from moving forward with your life. Set realistic goals, personal and professional, and redirect your energy into rebuilding your life in alignment with your inner self.
Patience: divorce is a process. There will be ebbs and flows. Take them in stride, knowing that you are healing and moving towards happier times.

By acknowledging your many emotions, including guilt, you have already started your recovery process. It will take time and energy, but you will get to a place where you once again feel empowered and can take back control of your life.

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Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com