{3 minutes to read}  A married couple with children had agreed that one of them would be the stay-at-home parent while the other would be the breadwinner. Fast forward to divorce. The parent who is working outside of the home, and now wants out of the marriage, has requested to have the children 50% of the time.

The Full-Time Parent

“I was the one who did everything for the children. Now that we are separating, my soon-to-be ex wants to take the children away from me!”

This is a frequent conversation that comes up during mediation sessions when co-parenting is discussed. For the full-time parent, it is understandable that this request brings up anger, fear, and feelings of loss. This parent is being asked to give up much of what gave sense to their life for most of their married years: “How will you deal with issues like playdates, doctor’s appointments or extracurricular activities? And you don’t even know the names of their teachers or who their friends are!”

The Working Parent

On the other hand, the working parent’s request also has its valid points: When the parents are together, even though the working parent does not take responsibility for much of the daily routine, they do come back every night to a home where the family is all under the same roof. They may spend time with the children in bits and pieces, in the evenings, or the mornings, and on weekends, but they are still an important part of the children’s lives.

As a divorce approaches, that parent is afraid to lose the children and wants to become more involved with their everyday lives; help with school work, tuck them in at night, see them in their pajamas in the morning — all these little things that create the feeling of family life.

The Family

Truth be told, the children need to feel loved by both parents and have both parents in their lives. Not seeing one of them could make the children feel that they were also “left behind” in the divorce.

And maybe the full-time parent will now discover that they have time for themselves, to develop interests of their own, join a gym, go back to work and even have a social life.

You know how life throws all sorts of challenges our way? There may come a day when the now at-home parent may be grateful to be able to pick up the phone, call the other parent and face a crisis together — or other times rejoice in some good news! With both parents now involved in the everyday life of their children, they are better prepared to handle whatever comes up.

Mediation offers you the opportunity to explore how, together, you can reorganize the life of all the members of your family, keeping in mind the best interest of the children. 

Do not hesitate to give me a call if you would like some help with this conversation.

Jennifer Safian

Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com
Jennifer Safian

Latest posts by Jennifer Safian (see all)