if you don’t know, don’t be afraid to ask!

{2:54 minutes to read} In working with people going through divorce, I often meet couples where, for a variety of reasons, one spouse has traveled through the marriage unaware of the whole financial picture. This is especially true if that spouse was being a stay-at-home parent and not working. It’s not that the “bookkeeping” spouse was trying to hide anything, it’s just the way the dynamic was set up from the beginning of the relationship.

I remember my school days when I remained quiet, afraid to ask questions about things I did not understand. I also remember times when I thought that I really did not need to know. Someone else was taking care of things for me, and I could just sit back.

In both examples, I really was the only one responsible. I wanted to blame the teacher for not explaining properly or someone else for not being open with me, but with time, I realized that I was a big part of the problem for not being proactive. I was the one who was in the dark, who felt inadequate, and I had only myself to blame

Fortunately, this did not affect my abilities to be successful in other areas of my life, but I still remember those feelings of inadequacy. Early on, I took it upon myself to make the necessary changes within me, and if I could not figure things out by myself, I reached out for answers and help.

It is never too late to step up and get the answers we need.

If you are separating from your spouse and feel you were kept in the dark, or you kept yourself in the dark, take advantage of this transition in your life to become fully informed. You can then, having all the facts in hand, make those decisions together.

If you are working in mediation, bring this conversation into the mediation session. Your mediator will help you through the process. You will come out of it having learned a lot and feeling much stronger and more confident about moving forward.

Can you remember a situation where you did not have the information, experience, or knowledge and felt in the dark? Please feel free to leave your thoughts and comments in the box below.

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Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com