Perception and Reality in Divorce Mediation

{3:06 minutes to read} I met with Jayne* and Will* for a consultation to explain the mediation process and give them the opportunity to ask questions before actually committing to this process.

Jayne immediately said that she and Will disagreed on absolutely everything! Will piped up with “I disagree with that!” This was obviously an indication of the difficulties I would encounter with their case.

I did an internal “eye roll” and told them not to worry, that I would help them have the conversations that needed to take place to prepare for their divorce; that I would support both of them at all times so that each had a voice in the room and the chance to express their needs and concerns.

Jayne gave me a look like “wait until you see what happens with us!” Will was silent, but his body language and facial expression indicated that he felt exactly the same way as Jayne.

During the consultation, both Jayne and Will asked questions about the process. Surprisingly, their questions were very much in synch or complemented each other. At the end of the consultation, they both agreed to pursue the mediation with me.

For a couple who disagrees on everything, that was a pretty good start!!

They started their mediation sessions with a rather defensive attitude towards one another. It seemed to me that before each of them spoke, they “knew” in advance that the other would react negatively.

As the process evolved, however, they let their defenses down and somehow were able to come to decisions together without too much apparent conflict. Did they have to compromise? Of course they did, as many people often do when they have divergent opinions but want to find a solution. In the end, they were quite surprised and admitted that they never thought they would agree on so many issues.

The mediation process sometimes does wonders for people. It helps them find common ground upon which to start building an agreement. If both parties come in with the goal of getting things resolved, they usually do.

Don’t let the perception of total disagreement become the reality. Rather, accept the fact that even if you don’t see eye-to-eye, you may actually find ways to resolve things in a way that is satisfactory to all.

Have a conflict to resolve? Call me at (917) 881-5206. You, too, may be surprised by the mediation process.

* Names changed

Social Media Comments

Jennifer Safian’s article simply and beautifully illustrates how the mediation process can effectively help separating couples make decisions regarding the important decisions about their lives going forward. As a mediator in divorce cases as well as commercial (business) cases, I can attest to mediation’s being a highly effective alternative to litigation. The beauty of mediation is that it empowers parties to explore creative options for resolution and settle their dispute on their own terms, rather than face the uncertain outcome of a court’s decision.

(Mallory Stevens on Linkedin)

Love your graphic.

(Joan Pelzer on Linkedin)

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Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com