Supporting couples and families through highly emotional conflicts

{3 minutes to read} Families in conflict or couples going through divorce often ask me how I manage to work day-in and day-out with people in constant disagreement and distress, yet still remain calm.

Well, of course, the first thing that comes to mind is that I am not a party to the dispute. The issues that need to be worked out by my clients are not mine, they are their own. All the pain and anguish that often accompany those issues are theirs as well.

It’s not that I am without empathy or feeling for my clients — quite the contrary, I am in the room with them. I feel their pain through the heaviness in the air. Some make huge efforts to remain composed and not let any emotions leak out. Some may just tear up, some may cry, while others may laugh out loud.

When they apologize for their emotional state, I remind them that their reactions are normal and human, and that if they did not feel emotional, especially in these difficult circumstances, there might be something wrong with them. They may only differ in the way they express those emotions.

Other people try to keep a solemn appearance throughout, but I know that none of them are unfeeling. For the last 18 years, I have chosen to help those families going through hard times, when many are scared because as they sometimes express, all they have built is crumbling at their feet.

It is within these intense emotional situations that I must help people find solutions that will work for all members of a family, solutions that will be “made to measure” regarding custody issues, parenting schedules, difficulty dividing up assets, or deciding what to do with the house; or in other cases sibling disputes around the care of an elderly relative, or financial disagreements between them.

People bring their emotions into the room when they come to resolve their conflicts. They are looking for help in finding new ways to go forward with their lives.

This is the work that makes me want to go to my office every day. This is the work that makes my heart full.

If you would like to read more about agreements that some of my separating clients have “made to measure,” please click on the following links:

Made to Measure and Made to Measure Part 2

If you need an agreement “made to measure” for your family or for someone you know, do not hesitate to call or email me so that I can help you, or them, create new pathways for their lives.

About
Latest Posts

Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com