The Prenup Elephant and Mediation

{2:42 minutes to read} Prenups have a bad reputation and often create much unrest between a couple while they are excitedly preparing to go down the aisle. Flowers, music, and invitations sound much more fun than talking about “what happens if we get a divorce?”

Usually prenups are requested by the party who comes into the marriage with more assets, either from their family, or in the case of later marriages, earned by that party prior to the marriage. I have met with several couples where this was the case, and the less moneyed party is usually very hurt and questions: “You want me as your spouse, but then you talk about divorce? How do you think this makes me feel?”

My approach is that this is an opportunity for the other party to think about what they want as well.

Recently I ran into a bride I had seen two years ago who had come in with her fiance for a couple of mediation sessions prior to the wedding. Her fiance surprised her with a prewritten prenup, and she was very upset at the time. They were able to work things out in mediation and left happier than when they had first come in. They were subsequently married and are living happily ever after.

As we chatted, she mentioned how helpful those meetings had been for both of them, opening up conversations that they could have never had without outside help. The discussion about the prenup opened a door to a couple of other “elephants” in their home. The mediation space gave them the opportunity to discuss and resolve some issues that neither had felt comfortable bringing up to the other, and that may have created problems for them down the road.

Needless to say, I was delighted to learn that they were so happy and to be told that I had been so helpful.

What is the takeaway?

If you or someone you know is facing a conflict, whether for a prenup or any other family issue, take the first step and suggest mediation. Dealing with the elephant is hard, but the rewards are truly bigger than that elephant!

Social Media Comments

Great point to raise Jennifer Safian In Australia we call pre-nups Binding Financial Agreements and they are not that common and yet are highly encouraged for couples who are bringing considerable assets into a new relationship.

Sorting out what you each agree to should the relationship not thrive in Mediation before going to the lawyers is a much better approach than just presenting a pre-nup which says “Darling I love you. Sign this pre-nup that leaves you with not much if I get sick of you.”

(Joanne Law on Linkedin)

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Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com