what kind of separation do I want?

{4 minutes to read} Couples going through difficult times in their marriage may often want a break from one another, yet are not sure if they will end up separating permanently or getting a divorce. What they do know is that for now, they don’t want to do anything that has any legal implications. For couples with children, such a break requires additional planning and putting in place an agreement defining each of their responsibilities.

Mediation gives couples an opportunity to explore together different options regarding their separation:

•Nesting

Some may consider a nesting situation where the children remain in the family home and the parents take turns staying with the children. They may agree to rent an apartment where each of them will stay when they are not in the marital home; or they may each find separate accommodations where they can stay during those times.

•Second Home

In cases where the family owns a second home, they may use that home as the separate accommodation, depending on work schedules and where the home is located.

•Family Home

Some couples agree that both of them will continue to live in the family home. They will then create a schedule defining on which days and nights each parent will be in charge of the children, and what other responsibilities that person will be taking over. Food shopping, cooking meals, laundry, and cleaning are often part of that list.

They may also alternate being with the children on weekends. The parent who is not “on duty” will then be free to be out of the home, work late, go to the gym, or whatever they chose to do, knowing that the other parent is in charge.

•Different Residence/Same Building

I have also worked with couples who have found a second residence in the same building and agree to live on different floors. Depending on their circumstances, the children may take turns staying with each parent, or they may stay in one apartment. Parents will make arrangements so that each of them has a separate time with the children.

•Parenting Schedule

There are some other couples who have agreed to live in separate homes and create a parenting schedule for each of them to be with the children. They may choose to plan a weekly family night together. Some spend holidays together with the children, and/or may plan vacation time as a family.

Couples can set a time limit for this initial separation and agree to review it at the end of that period, or they may just leave it open until one or both of them decide that they want to discuss the next steps. In addition to the living arrangements, a conversation on how they will manage their finances and additional expenses during this time is important.

The couple will either work things out during this initial separation and go back to their joint living arrangements, or they will take the separation one step further and put in place a permanent and detailed plan. The couple can return to mediation to tweak their initial arrangement or discuss the terms of a new plan.

Mediation gives families the space to work out together any type of agreement they want. Spouses will both have a voice in the room, the opportunity to express their needs, and they will work together to tailor an agreement to suit them and if necessary, their children.

If you think you might be interested in a temporary separation or something more permanent, feel free to reach out to me to discuss your needs.

About
Latest Posts

Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com