where in your life would it help to change your perception?

{4 minutes to read} Where in your life would it help to change your perception? Are you going through something that, if thought about differently, might be easier?

Pre-covid, my husband and I were in Italy on a week-long bicycle trip. During our trip in Italy, there was one day when we would be riding “the wall.” There would be three hills, one right after the other, with at least a 12 percent grade. 12 percent grade on a bike is steep. The third hill was the longest and steepest. If you didn’t want to ride the wall, you could get in the van or push your bike up the hill. To me, these weren’t real options. I wanted to climb “the wall.”

I began to climb and started telling myself that it was easy and that I could do it. I continued chanting, “this is easy, I can do it,” until somewhere along the way, I lost track of which hill I was climbing.

In my mind, I was on the second of the three hills. I focused on my mantra, knowing that I still had the hardest climb ahead of me and that I could climb one more hill. When I got to the top of what I thought was the second hill, I realized that it had in fact been the third and final hill! It had been easy, and I had already accomplished the big climb for the morning.

Because I believed that the hardest part was still to come, the true hardest part didn’t seem so hard. My perception made all the difference.*

Divorce is a cause of great stress in one’s life and is perceived by many as terrible trauma. Indeed, it affects our mental and often physical well-being. In addition to impacting the couple going through the divorce, it impacts their children, and frequently some of their closest family members and friends as well.

For the couple, a divorce is usually the end of a relationship that has suffered for quite a while before the decision is made to part ways. Divorce proceedings are difficult, even for those couples who choose the mediation route. After the divorce, it’s about settling into a new reality, into separate homes, helping the children adjust, new financial responsibilities, and rebuilding one’s life as a single person with all the fears of the unknown. None of this is easy.

It is difficult when going through such stress to make that change in one’s perception and look at things differently.

However, if we tried to find something positive, we might be able to move ahead with less angst, and experience less pain than anticipated:

I am stronger than I thought, and I can do this.
I am starting to understand myself better.
I can make a better life for myself.
I can start doing things that I enjoy doing and that my partner never wanted to do.

Going through a divorce can be a learning experience, about oneself and about others, about being in a relationship, and about setting priorities.

Most couples will recognize that not everything was bad. They had great experiences together, they may have had children together, and they grew and became stronger people as they had to confront some harsh realities. And for many, past their divorce, a whole new world has opened up to them that they never imagined would exist.

When we are afraid, see ourselves as inadequate, and walk away, we may lose many opportunities.

But the truth is that we are all capable of so much more than we give ourselves credit for. If we reverse our way of thinking and change our perception of ourselves, we will be much more successful in tackling the challenges.

What is one small change in your perception that you can make today?

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Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com