Co-Parenting Drama

Co-Parenting Drama

{2:30 minutes to read} Graduations, Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, First Communions, school performances: all events that children want their parents to attend together. But what happens when parents are at such odds with one another that it is “impossible” for them to be in the same room?

It’s important to remember that:

This is your child’s special day, not yours, even if you are paying the bill.
Your children’s needs come first.
Your children do not want to be caught in the middle of your disagreements.
Your children do not want to be the go-between for their parents.

If you make an effort to set aside your personal differences and make your children your priority, you may find some common ground with your spouse, even if it is only the ground that makes your children happy.

A few years ago, I met a divorced man who told me that since he and his spouse could not be in the same room, they held two separate parties for their son’s Bar Mitzvah: the mother’s party and the father’s party!

I could not even begin to think of the pressure on this child:

What would he tell his friends?
Should he invite them twice?
Would he need to have a list of friends for Mom’s party and a separate one for Dad’s party?
Would he have to deliver separate speeches for each event?
Would he be greeted by Mom’s family on one night and Dad’s family on the other night?
Would each set of grandparents be attending a separate event?

My heart goes out to the children who are the “victims” of such dysfunctionality between parents. The burden is on them to make the best of it.

So, please, when it’s time to celebrate your children’s events, be civil to your former spouse, avoid any dramas, put on your best clothes and fancy dancing shoes, and join in the celebration together, even if only for a few hours!

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Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com