Do I Have to See My Ex-spouse if I’m Divorced?

{2:48 minutes to read} Separating from someone we loved and chose to make a life with is one of the most painful events one may go through in life. Sometimes, it is so painful that we would rather never see our ex-spouse again. The encounters trigger feelings of anger, sadness, loss and more. Memories come up and we push each other’s buttons, ending up in an emotional place we would rather not be.

However, when there are children in the mix, we will need to interact as we continue to co-parent from separate residences. We know that we will see each other, if only for our children’s birthdays, school activities, graduations, weddings and other life events.

With time, hopefully tensions will ease and facing our “ex” will no longer create that terrible turmoil within us.

Couples who come to mediation often ask how they can avoid these difficult moments during the transitions of picking up and bringing back their children to the other parent’s home.

Truth be told, it may not always be possible but this, of course, depends on the age of the children.

Here are some of the options that couples have come up with to resolve this dilemma:

The parent who has the children for a weekend can pick them up at school on Friday and drop them off at school on Monday morning.
If there is a babysitter/nanny, she/he can take the children from one parent to the other.
If the children are old enough, they can wait in the lobby of the building, or if they live in a single family home, can wait outside the front door of the house.
Grandparents or other relatives can sometimes help ease these transitions.
Parents who do not want to meet in one or the other’s home, may choose to bring the children to a meeting place halfway between their residences. A neutral place like a coffee shop may help alleviate some of the tension.

As tensions ease and parents rebuild their separate lives, they may develop new ways of communicating, which will make these encounters much smoother.

Have you developed other approaches that may help couples with these transitions? Please share them below.

Social Media Comments

I’m sure we’ll see some good answers, but I just want to describe for levity a cartoon I saw: husband and wife with their lawyers sit across table, and one lawyer is saying: “My client just wants for everyone to move on with their lives — however, she wants your client to move on miserably.”

(John Norval Settle on Linkedin)

As a mediator who was divorced, I recall the most intense emotions I felt was being at weddings together. It is important to know you can’t change the situation or the intense initial emotions, but you do have a choice of the message you give yourself and your response! Put yourself on the high road and react with dignity to have self-respect and the respect you get from others

(Laury Adams on Linkedin)

Unfortunately, when you have children their are going to be events where you have to see them!

(Jonathan Roth on Linkedin)

Putting Children First in these situations is paramount. Shout out and kudos to the divorced couples who work together to benefit their kids…..

(Neal H. Brodsky on Linkedin)

Putting Children First in these situations is paramount. Shout out and kudos to the divorced couples who work together to benefit their kids…..

(Matt Sossi on Linkedin)

If you have children, it’s good for the children to see that their parents don’t hate each other that they can’t be in the same place together.

(Maurizio Tusa on Linkedin)

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Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com