{3:48 minutes to read} In Part III (A), we looked at fears that revolve around the immediate family unit when going through a divorce. Part III (B) will address the fears we may encounter with outside relationships whether with friends or co-workers.
- Will my relationships with my friends and family change?
Experience has shown that some people do shy away from their divorced friends for a number of reasons. Some may have rocky relationships of their own and fear that divorce is contagious. Some don’t know what to say to friends going through hardships and keep away because of their own inability to find the appropriate words. Sometimes, strained relationships with friends and family improve when the source of the strain is removed, and you may discover new friends where least expected.
- Will I lose friends who knew us as a couple?
Sadly, the answer to this is yes, probably. Some people feel torn or caught in the middle if they try to remain friends with both of you. Some people feel more akin to one person than to the other and may remain friends with just that person. If you have a friendship that you don’t want to lose, reach out and tell that person. Don’t go into the details of the separation/divorce, as they probably don’t want to hear them, nor do they want be put in the middle. You can simply ask them to be your friend and depending on the answer, move on.
- What will my coworkers think of me?
Unfortunately, people are often quick to make judgments, but if you conduct yourself in a professional manner and try to maintain the status quo in the workplace, there should be no negative repercussions. Actually, you may discover that some of your coworkers have been through similar hardships and will get closer because now they feel that you are a kindred spirit and understand them as well!
- What will my friends think? And members of my family?
Like co-workers, friends and family are sometimes quick to make judgments as well. True friends, however, will support you no matter what. The same can be said for some family members. You may have to make some choices about whom you want to spend time with. Surround yourself with positive and supportive influences, and allow any negative ones to drift away.
If you are concerned about being in the same room as your spouse during the mediation, be assured that your experienced and empathetic mediator is well aware of your many feelings and concerns, and will be there to support both of you through the process. Unlike the adversarial route where lawyers and possibly judges make determinations about your lives, mediation allows you to take charge of your own life. In making decisions for yourselves, decisions that you will “own,” you will gain more control. As you move forward and embark on reshaping your life, you will find that many of your fears will be relieved.
Jennifer Safian
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com
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