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jennifer safian, divorce mediator

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there IS a second chance for love post divorce

There is a Second Chance for Love Post Divorce; Jennifer Safian; Safian MediationPost divorce, facing your “new” life can be somewhat daunting. Facing the world of dating and a new romantic life can be down right terrifying. People often cling to familiar routines like working and caring for the children, to avoid the awkward and sometimes frightening world of dating. Life does move on, however, and “chance encounters” can turn out to have life affirming results when you least expect it.

Amy and Greg started living separately in June after signing their legal separation agreement. They had joint legal custody and while the children’s primary residence was with their mother, they spent a lot of time with their father. Amy’s life was focused mostly on her children, and her business which she ran from home. For several months following the separation, she made no particular effort to go out and socialize.

On a January evening six months after the divorce, Amy was invited to an art gallery opening and decided to go to support her friend, the owner of the gallery. There she ran into a couple she knew and as she was talking to them, a gentleman named Peter came by, with whom they seemed to be friendly. They introduced him to her and shortly thereafter moved on, leaving Amy and Peter together. The two talked for a while, then Amy said she had to go home and give her children dinner, explaining that she was separated from their father. Peter asked Amy if she would have dinner with him one night to which Amy responded “Thank you, but I cannot say yes. I am recently separated and not dating.” Peter responded “We don’t have to date, we can just have dinner!”

Amy who had not been in such a situation for almost twenty years, was very nervous. Not wanting to seem rude, when Peter asked for her telephone number she gave it to him, thinking that he would probably never call anyway. Two weeks later, Peter did call saying he had four tickets to a concert and would very much like Amy to join him and his friends for dinner and the concert . Amy realized that since the separation, she felt very lonely weekend after weekend and that maybe she should go. After all, there would be two other people there.

When Peter dropped her off in front of her home following the concert, he asked if he could call her again and Amy, though still apprehensive about it all, said yes. After that, they saw each other almost every weekend.

In April, Peter told Amy in a firm but gentle way, that he wanted to be honest with her. He said that as much as he enjoyed her company, he was not in for the long term and did not want to mislead her into believing that they could have a future together. He added that he would understand if she did not want to continue seeing him.

Amy told him that she had no intention of making long term plans at this point in her life, that her children were her priority and that she was still trying to recover from her divorce. They continued to see each other now that each had made things very clear to the other.

In August, Peter popped the question. Amy responded that as much as she enjoyed their time together and was very touched by his request, she could not make any commitment. Peter’s answer? ” I will wait for you to decide,. I know we are made for each other, but I understand your need to take things slowly. You just let me know when you are ready.”

Peter asked on a couple of other occasions and again got turned down, but maintained his position. Later that year Amy finally accepted his proposal and they got married the following March.

That was twenty years ago and each day, they count their blessings and are amazed that they found each other or, as Amy says, that Peter found her and had the insight to be patient and wait while she was trying to get back on her feet.

So you see, there is love after divorce. And sometimes it finds you even when you don’t go looking for it!

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Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(212) 472-8626
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  1. Briana MacWilliam April 24, 2012 at 10:11 am - Reply

    I couldn’t help but feel I came across this story exactly when I needed it. Thanks for posting this.

  2. Randy Edwards May 9, 2012 at 12:05 pm - Reply

    There was a second chance for my wife and I after we were both divorced after our long term first marriages; her for 19 years, myself for 11 years. We met when I visited my ex-wife at her work. My ex and I had a good relationship post divorce, we had no children so we divided assets and had an attorney file the paperwork, each paying half of the cost. My wife and I have been together for 31 years, her three children consider me their father (biological father not around much) and we are very close. We have 8 grand children and 9 great grand children. It is possible to get past the hurt and live happily ever after.

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