you have 5 grandmothers? that’s impossible!

{2:30 minutes to read} As we grow older, possibly wiser, or maybe it’s just that we have more experience, I realize that we are still not able to view situations from the perspective of the younger generations. They never knew the rotary phone and are astonished when we say: ”No, we did not have cell phones at age 10.” But, they do have a capacity for acceptance and resilience that often amazes me.

I met a 10-year-old child the other day who has 5 grandmothers! When I asked him to tell me a little more about who they were, he very simply explained to me that they included his mother’s and his father’s mothers, and his grandfather’s second and third wives. He explained that Poppy and Nana (his father’s parents) had been divorced, that Poppy got married “twice more” and divorced “twice more,”— hence his third and fourth grandmothers—and then Poppy got married again so that makes five! (Really, Poppy??)

I may have looked a bit surprised, but to him, this did not seem to create any confusion. He still has a relationship with each of them.

I’m not sure what happens when the child has a birthday, a school play, or some other significant event. Do his parents invite all the grandmothers to attend? How does one explain to a child that it may be difficult for all these “grandmothers” to be together in the same room?

It truly is wonderful to see how children can be so accepting of certain situations that may seem so awkward to us. As adults, we often tend to be much more judgemental or conflicted by such allegiances.

In this world of blended families, with often second and third marriages, when families face the frequent need to embrace the exes and the ex-steps after the divorces, we adults should learn from our children to accept, adjust and be resilient in the face of change.

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Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator
divorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(917) 881 5206
jpsafian@gmail.com